Tiring

What a tiring day today I have. Learn alot today at work but it seems like I still cant get some part of it. Maybe Im a slow learner or maybe... just maybe I'm not good enough. Whatever it seems, I'm working hard to get to the next level. Well, it seems like everyone around me is readily successful enough till I got pressured by it. How can you ever not be pressured when they are earning more than you. I guess money is not everything but money do make the world go round. Sometimes the thought of not having money scares the hell out of me especially when you have responsibilities and commitment. But I know God will provide. Without God we wont be here now.

Well, everyday is a hectic day for me but everyday.. almost everyday I get to see my baby girl. She's one the the reason why I wont give up easily. Another reason is my family who keeps supporting me in every way. Without them, Im a nobody. Sometimes in life we get push or pick on, but after awhile we know that life can make you a better person. Mistakes in life makes us grow. Growing to be a better person and maybe one day we can help others too. Okay enough of my philosophy.

Well, nothing much happen today but I did get to go everise. Talking about free time. Night I'm like a free man. But in the day, I'm stuck at work. Audit life is not what you expect. Gotta complete those assignments in a short period. Tough life but lets hope in the future it will be rewarding. Anyway, I'm off to do my stuff now. Until then. Good night!

Finally

I've finally graduated. I wanna thank all my family and friends for supporting me throughout the year especially someone special. My baby girl, Tze Yee. I know my dad will be proud of me. Even though he's not with us, but i made his dream come true to get a degree and finally graduate. You'll always be in my heart, dad. I had a great time yesterday. I'm happy that I made my mom proud. One memorable day that I will never forget.

Anyway, I started work again today. Been busy with new assignments being assigned to me. Yet today I somehow made her mad again. I guess it was my fault for being so square headed and not look around for her instead I was just waiting there. I guess I can never change the past but I know I can change the future and will not do the same mistakes all over again. I may not be the perfect guy for her but I'll be what I can be and be the best for her. I really thank God for her and my mom as they were the ones who stand by me during my graduation. I'm so happy to have a family despite all the hard times I've been thru, they're there to back you up. I also thank God for my grandparents, who taken care of me since a baby till now. Even though they are old now, they still ask me how am I and especially my grandma who still cooks for me everyday.

In short, I love my family and especially her. Sorry for being such an ass at times baby. Loving you more and more each day takes my breathe away. <3

Secret Recipe to Life

Finally I got the job that I have been waiting for. It may not be the best job in the world or the highest paid job in the world but it will do for now. A fresh graduate always starts from the bottom. That's where he will gain experience and climb the ladder to the top. It has always been one of my dream to start a company of my own. Maybe one day I will.. one day. I'll never ever lose hope. Its not easy but its not impossible. Working part time as a salesman is not easy job too especially when you need to travel around to shops asking to them to buy your products. I've experience many kind of jobs before. From selling stationary, to selling ice cream and ever selling sports equipment. I do admit that these working experience can be a very valuable in the future especially when you wanna have your own business one day. What I can see from my experience is that always treat your workers well so they will work extra hard for you.



A rainy night beats the lovely night. Yes, another rainy night after a hot afternoon. It's not fun to drive around when your aircon died down on you especially when its in the hot afternoon with the scorching sun trying to burn you. Plus I need to travel around in it as I need it for work as a salesman. My car was definitely hot alright. Hot enough to bake a cake if you can imagine. Talking about cake, I just got back from a lovely yet bitter night from Secret Recipe. Order Chocholate Indulgence as well as the White Chocolate Macadamia with complementary latte from Secret Recipe due to the Wow coupon. It was nice when you get to spend time with someone you love and cared for. Although there were not cheap. Its an experience to try cakes that we dont normally eat.

The night was cold yet I feel warm when I'm with her. Yes tonight may have been one of a bad night for us as I kind of mess it up. I wanted to draw portraits of her yet I'm just not good enough and alot of people were starring at her. I just feel so sorry. I didnt mean it to be like that. Just wanted her to surprise her with my drawings.

There are times I've been so childish till I forget there's many people around me. I never know what shame is until now. Yes I do feel ashamed at times but sometimes i just did it without knowing the consequences. I do find it hard to express my emotions. And yes, everyone at one time or another in their life may find it difficult to say how they feel.

I have a few problems that I need to counter. My Conflic Phobia. I am afraid of angry feelings or conflicts with people. Sometimes I just bury my head in the sand instead of addressing relationship problems. whats wrong with me. Can anyone show me how to overcome this?

Next is my Fear of rejection. Sometimes I do get scare and ending up alone that I would rather swallow up her feelings and put up with some abuse than take the chance of making anyone mad at me. I'm just so weak at this. I guess I feel the need to please someone everytime.

Also sometimes I find if hard to speak with confidence. Always agreeing to what people say and not give any opinion. I really need to change. I know its not easy but I really need to be someone who has confidence. I'm just afraid of losing her.



Thank for for always being so patience with me. I know at times I let you down over and over again. I'll never give up on you. You really mean so much to me. I wont ever let you down ever. I know its hard but I wont give up. I'll try to remind myself every morning if I have to. Yes I really am in love with you so deeply. Waking up knowing that there's someone loving you keeps you warm all the time. I wanna do the same for you too.

A romance that will never end. I may not be the most romantic guy in the world but I do know how to cook. Although my cooking can be limited but I can learn. Although I may be the most immature guy for you, but I know I wont be forever.

I love you so much <3<3<3

Why love can be so hard sometimes. It takes 2 to love but love takes time to grow. I'm lucky to have her in my life. Yes.. My one and only girl. But I'm afraid I can't keep her happy. I'm afraid I'm the one who always hurt her. I just feel like dying sometimes. Will she leave me? Will ahe break up? Will she find someone better? These things go through my mind every now and then. What will I do if I lose her? Sometimes life breaks down on you.. You don't get much chances in life. I really apprecite her so much yet I myself can't aprrecite my own self. I know I can't be the perfect guy but I can try to be one. Yes i made mistakes at times. I become lazy and I also neglect her. But my heart for her will never change. I still love her so much.. Even if she leave me one day. I know I'll still love her more than anything or anyone in this world. I just hope she'll know that I'm serious and that no other girl and even my ex can change that. Yet sometimes I just feel down and got on one to turn to. I only got her left. If shes gone. I.. I don't know where I'll be but I know I can't keep her If she's always unhappy. Just so you know, I love you so much. I never love a girl so much.. I hope you still do...

You

When I first saw you,
You smiled at me,
When I first hold you,
I found someone who understands me,
When I first hug you,
I never knew how much it mean to me,
When I first kiss you,
I knew you are the world to me,

Its because of you,
I become a better man,
It's because of you,
I am your man,

Thank you for everything,
You brought love to me,
Love like never before.
I love you<3





You brought me up,
You're everything to mr,

How hard?

How hard can life hit on you? When you feel like giving up. Having no one to turn too. She's angry at me, my grandpa is not well, my mom is out of town. I have to work all day. Trying to earn my own pocket money, while going to class. My exams are coming. I have no time to study. After work, I'll be all beat up. Studying from 8.30 till 12.30 and work at 2pm till 9 pm. Only having a few hours time of sleep. Been going through tough times lately. Paint job, assignments, grandparents, study loan, exams, work. How worst can it get? My loan agreement got rejected. And I have to write in a letter to get a new one. Working till late hours till 9pm. Go home for dinner. I'm only free after 10pm and i'll get ready for bed soon. I'm feeling sorry for myself. Knowing that I'm going to lose the one most important person in my life who refuses to talk to me as I had not do things properly, not planning things, not communicating well to other people. Life like a kid. I cant seem to make her anymore happier than before. I've always fail countless time. There's nothing I can do to change the past. But I really want to change how the future goes. My 20 years of my life would have to go down the drain. All my bad habits and the way I talk for 20 years would have to change. But I am willing to change. Its never easy changing someone who is 20 years of doing the same thing over again. But everytime when it seems alright, it would fail in the end. I never do things right. I have been in the dark for far too long. I just wanna give up and give in. I just feel like dying at times. But my dad is gone now and I should not give in. I have to continue to be the man of the house. My family needs me.

I know she is definitely angry at me now. Knowing that I had made the mistakes again and again. I really dont want this to happen. I really dont. I know I have been useless. But I really am changing. Im sorry for everything. I guess I still can change. I guess I still am the kid from last time. Im sorry. She cant be any happier with me. I just dont know what to do anymore. Life is putting me down to the floor. She mean so much to me...

I will be your man forever, Babe. ♥